Newsflash: Your darts are gaslighting you. That ‘open’ T20? A lie. Those ‘bad bounces’? Your fault. Time to stop forcing shots like a toddler trying to fit square pegs, your score will thank you.

Tungsten betrayal! My dart yeets itself into radiator witness protection. Retrieval attempt is a full pub renovation. ‘Trashing the pub over a loss?’ they ask. Landlord disagrees, with a bat. Darts etiquette lesson, know when to run.

Teaching friends darts? Say goodbye to your security deposit! Sven throws like Thor, Martina overthinks every toss and Michael? His darts fly backwards. My walls now look like hieroglyphs, but that one miracle made it all worth it.

Ever frozen mid-throw as your fingers betray you? Welcome to dartitis – where your hand forgets how to hand. Even pros like Bristow battled this darting glitch. Good news: you can laugh your way back to bullseyes.

Dart nicknames: where ‘The Accuracy Assassin’ and ‘Triple 1 Terror’ coexist. Choose wisely – it’s the only thing sharper than your darts. Mine? ‘The Belgian Blade’ (still working on the blade part).

Michael’s darts math is legendary – for all the wrong reasons. ‘I scored 50 then 20… so 30 total?’ Watching him calculate is like seeing a calculator short-circuit. At least he makes the rest of us look like math geniuses!

Watching Jonny Clayton stare at the floor before nailing triple 20 made me question everything. Turns out my dominant eye was judging me harder than my dog. Pro tip: aim where you want the dart to go, not at your nachos.

Michael celebrated his ‘winning’ double 20… until the ref said ‘That’s 74.’ His opponent then casually checked out while Michael tried to math. Lesson: Know your outs before your victory dance.

Practice night turned chaotic when I tripped into Michael mid-throw – his dart landed perfectly in my bullseye. We laughed till it hurt. Turns out the secret to great darts might just be terrible footing… or maybe just stand properly.